My Obsessions

I always find it fun to look back at old journals and see what I was interested in, what I was reading, what movies I saw. All of these things blend together to create the tapestry of my life and my creativity.

Books I'm Reading
Artic Dreams, Barry Lopez
A Bell Ringing in the Empty Sky, Sy Syfransky, ed.
The Deeper Wound, Deepak Chopra
Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, Chopra
Four in the Morning, Sy Syfransky
Creative Nature and Outdoor Photography, Brenda Tharp
The Universe in a Single Atom, the Dalai Lama
The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron
The Law of Attraction, Jerry and Esther Hicks

I love reading many books at once, because if I get bored with one, I can pick up another. It works really well with non-fiction, but not as well with fiction. Lately I haven't been interested in much fiction though.

Magazines I Subscribe To
Sunset
The Sun
Bitch
BUST
What is Enlightenment?
National Geographic

Movies I've Seen Lately
Pan's Labrynth
The Holiday
The Celestine Prophecy
The Up Series -- thanks for the recommendation, Swirly!
Nacho Libre
Edward Scissorhands
Strangers With Candy
Don Juan DeMarco

Music On Constant Rotation
Extraordinary Machine, Fiona Apple
Picaresque, The Decemberists
Happiness, The Weepies
The Best of the Gipsy Kings, The Gipsy Kings
Reprieve, Ani Difranco
Lost in Translation soundtrack
Rushmore soundtrack
Staring at the Sea, The Cure

CDs I Just Bought Today On An Artist Date
The Information, Beck
Buena Vista Social Club, self-titled
Wincing the Night Away, The Shins

Health and Beauty
100% Pure -- especially the chocolate mocha body scrub
Aubrey Organics
Blooming Lotus -- the Fairy Dew Luminous Lotion
Burt's Bees
Product Body Whipped Shea Butter -- sweet vanilla mango rocks my world. The rest of her products have more of a chemistry set than I like, but this is all pure, baby.

I go for no parabens, no sulfates, organic, not tested on animals, etc. Give me something with no chemicals and I'm a happy gal. Blooming Lotus rocks my world because the owner (a really nice woman, btw) puts gem essences in her products. How cool is that?

Tea
lavender
berry rooibos
lemongrass
lemon chiffon rooibos from Tea Embassy
peppermint
ginger

Currently I'm making the switch from bags to loose, and I don't think I'll ever go back. A friend turned me on to Adagio last summer and I have a bunch of their rooibos tea. I prefer L'Amyx's tea, however, and I plan on stocking up on their stuff once what I have is gone (probably in a couple of years!). They have a caffeine-free chai that is to die for.

Art Time

I just started doing The Artist's Way with my husband Lance and my friend Ann. I resisted doing this book for a long time. When I had my old blog, it seemed like everyone in the blogosphere was doing it, and sometimes I get a little rebellious streak in me that screams, "I don't want to do that because everyone is doing it." Yeah, well, lesson learned.

I picked it up at a used book store thinking it would enhance my photography and teaching. I was cocky about it, thinking I already knew a lot of what it was going to say and what it could do for me. I was in for quite a ride that first night I sat down to read it.

What struck the deepest chord was the idea of "shadow artists." Basically, shadow artists are people who have tons of artist friends so they can live vicariously through them. But shadow artists never do their own art. At first I thought, "Well, I do art through photography, so this isn't talking about me." Then I read the section a second time and my emotions went wonky.

I looked at my life and a bizarre trend arose. My husband is an artist. All of my friends are artists, either professionally or as a hobby, with two exceptions. My mother-in-law is an artist. My grandma and my aunt are artists -- my aunt runs a craft business with my grandma and she published a book about painting. My brother is an artist. And even more specifically, the type of art most of these people do is painting.

Holy. crap.

Suddenly, I heard a voice shouting inside of me: "I WANT TO PAINT!"

It took me by complete surprise. I started to cry. The world flipped upside down. I was completely discombobulated for a few days. Damn that Julia Cameron! How did she know?

When I calmed down a bit, I realized I've tried to let this feeling come out a few times before, but Fear always got in the way and told me what I'd done was "nothing." I have a pair of wine glasses I painted that I'm really happy with. Three years ago Lance gave me oil painting lessons. He had me check out this book from the library and I practiced drawing. One year we made our own Christmas cards. And this summer, Lance showed me how to paint with watercolors.

But I didn't count any of this as real art, even though it was. I couldn't allow the artist in me to come out. But I'm done with all of that bullshit. For good.

Yesterday Ann came over for art time. We played around and I had the best time feeling the paintbrush in my hands and letting the work flow out of me. It is so freeing and messy and glorious. How could I ever have denied myself this?

Here's what emerged from yesterday's art time. I can't believe how happy I am with it. I seem to be able to silence the critic in me now and I can appreciate the beauty in what I've created.

I am incredibly happy to be able to chronicle this in this blog, because I have a feeling this is the beginning of something big. I'm not going to put a label on it or even try to shape it into anything this time. I'm just going to let the art happen. But it is going to be so great to have a record of the precise time when it started, because I'm sure, when I'm on my 500th painting, I'll look back and say, "I wonder when all this started." And now I'll know.

As a final note, I want to send out a sincere THANK YOU to all the artists in my life who have brought me to this point, especially Penelope, Christine, Christine, Shelley, Kate, Lance, Susan, Ann, Kelly, Grandma, Eileen, and Brett. You have done more for me than you will ever know and I am utterly grateful.

Over the River and Through the Woods

Last year, during a jaunt to Half Moon Bay, Lance and I made a decision to travel more. We are going to plan at least one weekend away every month this year.

We did this not only so we can see more of California (and there is so much to see) but also so we can inject a more romance into our lives.

So far we have two trips planned: one to LA in two-and-a-half weeks and another to Sequoia National Park for my birthday in four weeks. We didn't make it out anywhere this month, so we are doing two February trips.

Last night I found myself at a bookstore, so I bought a map of California. We plan on getting those fun map pins and marking every place we go. When I got home I hung it up in the office and, because I'm impatient, I've already marked some of the places we've been with little post-it triangles: Big Sur, Davenport, Monterey, Carmel, Ano Nuevo, San Simeon, San Luis Obispo, Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, Santa Cruz....I'm looking forward to seeing the pins on the map multiply each year.

Our really ambitious goal is to go camping at least two weekends every month once the weather warms up. We can even camp in our backyard at places like Tilden and Mount Diablo, so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm looking forward to the challenge.

Intuition

I believe there is a direct link between the mind and the body. I also believe the theory that time is an illusion and therefore we can know the future because in reality everything is happening at once. I bring this up because of an incident that happened yesterday.

Now, I don't think I'm psychic, but I do think I have strong intuition. I have noticed that my body seems to know when something is going to go wrong. It can be big things or little things; it doesn't matter. That brings me to what happened yesterday.

I was antsy all morning and the feeling eventually morphed into full-on anxiety. I was jumpy, on edge, and stressed out, and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. There was no big issue I was dealing with, no stress coming from anywhere in my life. So, I tried to ignore it. It turns out this is not the best approach, because the anxiety's intensity increases every time I push it down.

When I left for work, I was snippy and rushed, and I started to get heart palpitations. Ridiculous! I couldn't figure out what I was so worried about. As I sat at the gas station filling up, I happened to check my cell phone. There was a message. A student's parent had left a message saying his son wouldn't be able to meet today. It was my first student, so I drove back home.

As soon as I walked in the door, I realized my anxiety was completely gone. It was as though my body had been sending me signals all day about this student and I wouldn't listen. As I drew nearer to the time of his lesson, the anxiety increased because my body really wanted me to know about it and I'd been ignoring it all day. It was trying to save me from making an unnecessary trip.

I've also had these reactions while driving up to a student's house, and it always means I'm going to encounter some kind of difficult situation. My heart rate increases and my palms get sweaty. It's not that I'm nervous...it's always with students I'm comfortable and familiar with, so I know something different is happening.

I've now decided to listen to the anxiety, and take whatever steps I can. Maybe it means calling ahead to appointments, or giving myself a little pep talk that I can handle whatever is coming my way. The wise words of my therapist are coming to mind too: I can thank my body for the information and then calm myself down. That would be so much better than hours of jimmy legs and stomach pains!

I think these messages have recently become so prominent because I got rid of the high level of anxiety I previously experienced. Now that my body isn't in constant fight-or-flight mode these messages from my body stand out in contrast to feeling relaxed. It's a strange thing to recognize because it is so mysterious. But it's also pretty cool.

Gratitude

The last ten months have been ones of enormous growth and change for me. It all began with a chance viewing of What the Bleep. After seeing that movie, nothing seemed the same. I began exploring various topics, including metaphysics, quantum physics, and a whole host of what my good friend would call "California" things like tarot, spirit guides, intuitive readings, and auras.

During a recent two-week vacation, I spent the majority of my time reading books by Deepak Chopra, James Redfield, and the Dalai Lama. I watched The Secret many times. And one of the ideas that has stood out in sharp relief is practicing gratitude.

One of my favorite sayings, one which I heard from Dr. John F. Demartini in The Secret , is this:

"Whatever you think about, and thank about, you bring about."

I have discovered that gratitude does a couple of things. First, it helps me appreciate all the amazing things happening in my life right now, which in turn helps me be more present. I first began this exercise after reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, and I made it an even bigger priority after watching The Secret. When I sit down and list the things I'm grateful for, I realize that I have no reason for complaint. I stop striving for some future point "when everything will be perfect," and I embrace what is in front of me at that precise moment.

Second, it brings more of those amazing things into my life. That's the beauty of it. If the universe knows I appreciate those things, it will bring me more of them.

This brings me to the intent of this post: to list what I am grateful for.

1. Amazing, supportive, friends and family.
2. A husband who stands behind me and encourages me to grow.
3. A therapist who showed me the blueprints of this life I'm building.
4. A snuggly, furry, fat kitty cat.
5. Warm mugs of peppermint tea.
6. Owning my first home and being able to paint the inside any color I want!
7. Meeting new friends by serendipity.
8. A new car that gets me where I need to go without guzzling too much gas.
9. Living in one of the most amazing parts of the world.
10. Being able to drive to the redwoods any time I want.
11. Being near the ocean.
12. Having my own business.
13. A full roster of hard-working students.
14. The Artist's Way
15. Deepak Chopra, Paulo Coelho, Dan Millman, Anne Lamott, Cheri Huber, GahlSasson
16. Ask and It Is Given and Esther and Jerry Hicks
17. Succulents and this nursery
18. The Weepies, AniDifranco, Tori Amos, The Decembrists, The Gipsy Kings, Fiona Apple, Imogen Heap, Neko Case...the list of musicians I am grateful for is enormously long.
19. The Secret
20. What the Bleep
21. Having friends who live nearby.
22. Sunset, The Sun, Bitch, BUST, What is Enlightenment?, and National Geographic
23. the Canon Rebel
24. L'Amyx
25. my computer
26. blooming magnolia trees
27. long hikes with friends
28. my new watercolor set
29. classical music
30. acupuncture