Since today is my birthday (and that's only true for a few more hours) this is the last day of this blog. I don't plan to keep writing here, but I will write occasionally on my Zaadz blog, which you can access here.

It's been a great exercise to chronicle the last 30 days -- just look at everything that happened! Thank you for sharing it with me.

Happy Birthday to Me

A birthday letter to myself....

Dear Katrina,

It is truly amazing the changes you have made in the last year. I stand in awe at everything you've accomplished.

1. You lived up to your New Year's resolution to take care of yourself with incredible results: you've gotten rid of 90 percent of your anxiety, you've nearly rid yourself of pain, you've lost 20 pounds, you've gotten your energy back, you have an optimistic outlook on life, and you pamper yourself more.

2. You have drastically improved your spiritual life.

3. You created your own tutoring business.

4. You manifested and bought a house.

5. You bought your first new car (the Nissan).

6. You started saying no to the things that make you unhappy.

7. You made huge strides in therapy.

8. You started standing up for yourself.

9. You manifested and bought a Prius.

10. You have created a life for yourself that is perfectly tailored to you.

As this year progresses, I can see that you are building upon all of this with passion and determination. You're more courageous. You're clearer about what you want and you go after it. You no longer ask 10 people for advice before you make a move; you just do it if it feels right. You trust your intuition and you're working to strengthen it. It's going to be a fantastic year, and furthermore, it's going to be an unbelievable decade.

Much Love,

Katrina

What a Weekend

Here I am with the new car. This is big. For me, getting this car is on the level of being told I won the lottery. When I got behind the wheel for the first time, I could not stop smiling. I know now what it's like to one of those guys who pines after a Porsche and finally gets to buy one when he's 55. Except that I'm not having a mid-life crisis and I'm just turning 30.

I've been dreaming about this car FOREVER. And now I have one. I am usually not a materialistic person, but it feels really good to have a Prius. Perhaps because when I drive it I know I'm not polluting quite so much. It's going to be dreamy to drive it to Sequoia National Park this week.

Other highlights from the weekend:

1. Going to the L'Amyx grand opening. It was PACKED. The lion dance was fabulous and the fireworks were loud. The place is going to be a hit.
   
2. Eating at Cafe Gratitude. Yum. They had water jugs that had words like "truth" and "abundance" etched on them. I drank from the abundance jar.
   
3. Watching episodes of the BBC version of The Office.
4. Taking pictures of the magnolia trees in bloom.
5. Seeing friends old and new.
   

Last night, as I signed the paperwork for my brand new Prius, I finally grasped the enormity of my power to manifest whatever I want. It was an amazing moment.

And that's not all. Only a few hours before we went to the dealership, I got an idea that is the best I've ever had, and I am going to spend the rest of the year manifesting this new business. It's going to rock.

My head is spinning from the possibilities.

Emerging

I wrote to a friend the other day that I am finally coming into my own. I am breaking out of my cocoon and emerging, wings fragile but sturdy enough to support me. I am finding my voice. Standing up for myself. Manifesting. Creating an amazing life.

Sometimes it is hard for me to believe I've made it this far in such a short time. But that part of me is fading. It is being replaced by a me who knows without a doubt that I am capable of anything I imagine I can do. It is the stronger and louder voice these days. And I intend to keep it that way.

Forbidden Joys

There's a great exercise in The Artist's Way that I did last night, and it really shows me that, even though last year was all about taking care of myself and doing good things for myself, I still have a long way to go toward truly making myself happy.

Here is my list of forbidden joys. When I look at it now, it seems pretty silly that I deny myself these things, but it takes a long time to shift your brain from "You can't have things and you can't afford them" to "I can create anything I want in my life."

Forbidden Joys

• dying my hair blue
• taking two weeks off to travel California
• buying fun new clothes
• taking singing lessons
• taking Sundays off
• buying a macro lens
• taking more frequent hikes
• taking a painting class
• doing a photography tour in Napa Valley
• getting regular massages

After I wrote this list last night, I went on the warpath to make these things happen for myself. I researched blue hair dye, and to my delight, I found a vegan, vegetable-based, non-tested-on-animals option! Now I just have to get up the courage to do it.

I also found several voice teachers who are within a mile of me and a massage therapist's office within a mile of me. I figured out a way to take Sundays off (I have worked on the weekends since I can remember, but now that just has to change). Now Sundays will be my hiking day. Now that I know how much macro lenses cost, I'm going to save up (I was afraid to look before, with good reason: $450+!).

I'm going to make a trip to Goodwill and see what fun clothes I can find. We're lucky -- we have two stores close to my house. And I know the local adult arts education center offers painting classes, so I'm going to research that and see how it fits into my schedule. New classes start in April.

That takes care of the majority of my list...and I took two weeks off last year, so who says I can't do it again this year?

Prius Love

I just test-drove a Prius today. The moment I sat in it, I was in love. It's comfy, and you push a button to start it for crap's sake! How much cooler can it get?

The back-up camera is neato, the gas mileage is dreamy, and the high-tech dashboard is impressive. and I just cannot wait to get one.

We're still not sure if the old car is totaled or not, but either way, we're getting a Prius.

As a side note, I've been working on manifesting a Prius since the beginning of January. I had it written in my diary that I was going to manifest one within six months. So I guess it worked. Nutty.

Affirmations

I used to associate affirmations only with Stuart Smalley. I thought saying, "I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" into a mirror was total nonsense that was only good for a laugh.

So, when I started The Artist's Way and I read that Julia Cameron wanted me to create affirmations, I was hesitant. I know it's really similar to manifesting and intention, words that sound a lot less foufy and more appealing to me, so I tried thinking of it in that context. It helped.

Now I write affirmations every day in my morning pages. Here's a sample:
"We have more than enough," "It is okay to disappoint people" (this one is for my recovering perfectionist), "I have everything I need right now," and "I can create anything I want in my life."

Boy, that last one is powerful. I get chills running through my body every time I even so much as think it. Meditating has been like that for me lately too...lots of yummy chills from the exciting possibilities that I conjure in my mind. How did I ever get through life without this?

I've started using this with my students too. I ask them to start thinking things like, "I'm going to ROCK on this test" rather than the negative and harmful thoughts so many of them think before going into a test. It seems to be working. I've even convinced one of my students to try meditating to gain motivation and lessen anxiety. She's the most improved student I have.

If only I had found this path earlier...but I know that I am going to create amazing things from here on out.

The Saturday That Was Friday

With my work schedule, Friday is my Saturday. It's one of those cozy, rainy days that makes me want to hole up and read.

Since I can't, I decided to sleep in and then spend time updating my photography portfolio, something I've been meaning to do for AGES. I also upgraded to a pro Flickr account. This is really only because I reached the limit for free photos (200) and I thought that it was silly not to. I mean, it's cheap! I don't know what I've been waiting for (for three years). It was fun to upgrade: I made more sets! And organized my photos! Yay! My other extremely beneficial and rewarding project was to meditate.

Now there are still many hours to go in the day. The CD project is somewhat calling my name...maybe if I put on some LOTR I can get through it. I need to get off this damn computer.

Courage

I stood up for myself today and quit a job that was making me incredibly unhappy. I cannot wait for the day when standing up for myself doesn't mean nausea before taking action and horrible guilt afterward.

Having these feelings makes standing up for myself even more of a thing to dread, even though I know it is integral to my growth and it is something I have to keep practicing. I know these feelings will die down once I build up my confidence muscles.

Thankfully my therapist is helping me realize I CAN stand up for myself and I MUST stand up for myself. For that, I am grateful.